You may hear stories about women who have gone through a terrible divorce and feel devastated over the process. Maybe their husband got most of the assets. Maybe he got custody of the kids. However, while it can be difficult for anyone involved in a divorce to move on and find happiness again, it can be especially hard for men. While many mistakes can be made during the actual divorce process, many more mistakes can also be made after the divorce has been finalized. Some mistakes can cause further emotional damage and even legal issues. They can affect a person for many years, so it is important for men to understand what should be done after a divorce to heal emotionally and avoid the same mistakes down the road.
Mistake #1: Not Updating Accounts
If you have retirement and insurance accounts, your wife is likely listed as the beneficiary. This does not automatically change in a divorce. You will have to go through the process of updating these accounts and changing the beneficiaries. Otherwise, in the event of your death, your ex-wife will receive everything, which is probably not what you intended.
Mistake #2: Not Following Court Orders
Very few people are happy about the terms of their divorce. Maybe they did not get the assets they expected or perhaps they did not get custody of the kids. If you are unhappy with the outcome, you do have the option of going back to court and asking for a modification. You do not, however, have the option of simply ignoring the court orders.
Not obeying court orders is a serious legal issue. You could be held in contempt of court. You could face hefty fines and even jail time.
Therefore, if the court asks you to do something, you need to do it. If you are given a custody order, you must follow it. If you are asked to pay child support, you must do it. Failing to pay child support is a serious issue that can cause you to lose your driver’s license and any professional licenses. If you can not pay the amount, ask the court for a temporary modification. Do not simply ignore it.
Mistake #3: Dating Too Soon
Many men start dating even before the divorce has been finalized. This can lead to serious consequences. Getting involved in a rebound relationship is never a good idea. After a divorce, there are likely issues that need to be worked out. Men need to focus on establishing a new routine with their children (if applicable) and adjusting to life as a single man.
You may feel sad and lonely, but jumping into another relationship is not recommended. While being single after many years or even decades of marriage can seem scary, getting remarried right away is not the answer. Second marriages are even more likely than first marriages to end in divorce. A good rule of thumb is to wait two years before starting a serious relationship.
Mistake #4: Becoming Reclusive
Some men do the opposite and instead of going out and being social, they stay at home and avoid all human contact. They feel depressed about the divorce and end up feeling lonely, as well. This can lead to alcoholism and suicidal thoughts. In fact, divorced men are twice as likely as married men to commit suicide.
Do not let this happen to you. While a divorce can be an extremely stressful situation, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Millions of men have been through a divorce. You are not the only one who has experienced it.
Get advice from others. Connect with other men. Meet up for dinner on a regular basis. Join a sports team or club. Take classes. Anything that gets you out of the house and takes your mind off your divorce can be helpful.
Mistake #5: Fighting With Your Ex
Sure, you are probably still upset over the divorce, but at some point, you need to move on with your life. Continuing to fight with your ex and harboring feelings of hostility will do nothing to make things better. This is especially true if children are involved.
For the sake of your children, work toward being amicable with your ex. You do not even have to be friends, but if you two can get along, it will be beneficial in the long run. Badmouthing the ex in front of the kids can be especially damaging, as it forces the kids to take sides. You need to co-parent successfully, so keep in mind that your ex-wife will be in your life at least until the kids turn 18 years old.
Being civil has its benefits. Your kids will be better adjusted emotionally and your ex-wife may be more willing to negotiate and compromise with you. This means more time with the kids. If you have trouble controlling your anger, consider anger management classes.
Seek Legal Help
Divorce can be devastating for all parties involved, but men tend to take it even harder than women. Many men feel lonely after their marriage ends and some move too quickly when it comes to subsequent relationships, setting them up for even more heartbreak.
If your marriage is ending, seek advice from Palm Beach divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler. He can advise you of what to do and what not to do following a divorce. After all, nobody wants to keep making the same mistakes. Schedule a consultation by calling (954) 346-6464.