It is not uncommon for a married couple to have a heated argument, with one person threatening divorce. A person may use the threat of divorce as a way to get his or her spouse to straighten up and admit a wrong. Most people do not go through with divorce at that moment, but some do.
Before jumping the gun on ending your marriage, you need to determine if that is what you really want. Divorce is an expensive, time-consuming, and emotional process. Do you want to break up your family over a fight?
But maybe this was not your first fight. Maybe all you and your spouse do is fight. If that is the case, then is it possible that you might actually be better off divorced?
There are some questions you need to ask yourself before filing for divorce. You do not want to make any rash decisions that you will regret later. You need to realize that marriage comes with challenges. No, you may not always agree with your spouse or like how he or she spends time, but some things are just not worth getting divorced over. Some things, like infidelity, abuse, and lying, are bona fide reasons for divorce.
Read on for some helpful questions to ask yourself regarding whether you should or should not divorce. By asking these questions, you can identify problems, determine if divorce really is the answer, and if not, even save your marriage.
Have You Communicated Your Concerns About Your Marriage?
You may have thought that you made your concerns clear to your spouse, but maybe you have not. Why not? Because maybe your spouse was not listening. People actually only hear about one-third of what is said to them because they are too busy thinking about what they are going to say.
Therefore, if you have a problem with your spouse, you need to let him or her know—loud and clear. Do not try to hem and haw or mince words. Do not be ambiguous. Do not assume your spouse can read your mind and will know what you mean. Make it so there is no room for interpretation.
How can You and Your Spouse Save the Marriage?
This is a good exercise for a couple on the brink of divorce. Both should make two lists. One list should be things that the spouse him or herself needs to do to save the marriage. Another list should be created to include ways in which the other spouse could save the marriage. Both parties should compare notes and see all the things that need to be done to save the marriage. If there is some agreement, then perhaps the marriage can be salvaged. If the lists are way too long, then it may not be possible for the marriage to survive.
What are You Most Scared of About Divorce?
Divorce can be a scary topic, especially if you have been married for decades. It can be hard to adjust to single life after living as a married person for 10, 20, 30 or more years. What are you most scared of? Perhaps you are worried you might be alone the rest of your life. Maybe you are scared of meeting and falling in love with someone new. Perhaps you are dreading what will happen in terms of finances. Maybe you are a parent whose worst fear is splitting up the family. By understanding your fears, you can determine if it will be better to divorce or stick it out and work on saving your marriage.
Do You Love Your Spouse?
The answer to this question cannot really determine if divorce is right for you. Sometimes divorce is still the answer, even if you love your spouse. You may not want to stay married, but that does not mean you hate your spouse. Love is not something that can be turned on and off like a light switch. If you do not love your spouse at all, then you should seriously consider ending your marriage. If you still love your spouse, then it is possible you could save your marriage under the right circumstances.
Would You be Happier Without Your Spouse?
At face value, it may seem as though a divorce might relieve a lot of stress in your life. However, you need to think about whether or not you would truly be happier as a single person. We all have bad qualities, but perhaps your spouse has a lot of good qualities that you would miss out on should you split up. For example, maybe your husband gained a lot of weight and you are not as attracted to him as you once were. However, he may be a good father and you enjoy spending time with him. You need to think about what is important to you. When it comes to your marriage, do the pros outweigh the cons? Are you truly sad and depressed on a daily basis and ready to move on? If you are miserable, then maybe divorce is not a bad idea.
Seek Legal Help
A divorce impacts not only you, but your kids, family members, and friends. It should never be a rash decision.
If you have thought long and hard about ending your marriage, though, and feel you would be better off without your spouse, it is time to take the next step. Palm Beach divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler understands the complex emotions involved with a divorce. He will guide you through the process and help you make the right decisions. Call (954) 346-6464 to schedule a consultation.