Do not discuss the case with your children. If this becomes difficult to explain to the children, seek professional advice on how to speak to the children about the change in the family dynamics, and why mommy and daddy may not be living together. Professional advice on how to explain the situation to your children is recommended as you do not want the children to feel guilty for anything. Also, parents sometimes forget to try to see things from their children’s eyes. Remember, the children did not ask for the break-up of the family. Children do not have our experiences. Their psychological and emotional development will be by what you said, how you say it, and the amount of conflict between you and your spouse. For court purposes there are three viewpoints to every divorce case with minor children. The mothers’ view, the father’s view and the children’s viewpoint. The court is only interested in protecting the children from their parent’s decisions.

Do not escalate the conflict. It is detrimental to everyone in the family to go through the divorce process. Your status will change from being married to being single. Your social status at work and in the community will change. Your children’s status will change from having parents who are married to parents who are divorced. Elevating conflict by trying to hurt the other person does not benefit anyone. Rather it causes more pain for everyone involved, including extended family members.

Do not convey messages to your spouse through your children. As difficult as it may seem, communication between spouses should remain between spouses. Messages sent through your children puts the children in the middle of your conflict. Responsible parenting would keep the children out of it.