Divorce Attorney Scott J. Stadler

    • 30 DEC 20
    Why Second Marriages Often Tougher Than First Marriages

    Why Second Marriages Often Tougher Than First Marriages

    Half of all marriages end in divorce. That is a pretty well-known statistic. But what you may not know is that the risk of divorce increases with each subsequent marriage. Second marriages have a 60% divorce rate, while 73% of third marriages end in divorce.

    Why is this? After one divorce, wouldn’t a person learn from their mistakes so they do not have to divorce again? You would think so, but that is not always the case.

    One of the biggest reasons for a second divorce is that people rush into new relationships. After a divorce, people should take time to discover themselves. They should think about the mistakes they made in their marriage and figure out how not to make them again. They should also think about what they are looking for in a partner. After being married, they should have a better idea of the qualities they like in a person and which ones are deal-breakers.

    But that does not always happen. Many people get scared after a divorce. They are on their own for what could be the first time in decades. This is very scary to some people. Therefore, they quickly find rebound relationships. They get serious quickly and settle down . They get married again and bring all their issues with them. This then leads to a second divorce.

    First divorces are scary. People do not know what to expect. There are a lot of emotions involved. By the time a person is married again, they do know what to expect. They have been down that road before. The process is not as scary. Therefore, they are not as willing to work on their marriage. They survived their first divorce, so they are confident they can survive another if things do not go their way.

    Also, many couples delay their first divorce because of children. Many couples stay together for longer than they want to because of the kids. Kids are usually not a consideration in subsequent marriages, since they are typically grown or at least close to it by then. Because of this, couples are more willing to divorce.

    So, if you plan to tie the knot again after divorce, know that the odds are stacked against you. It is possible to live happily ever after, but it will take some work to defeat the odds. Here are some other reasons why marriage is often harder the second time around.

    There is More Baggage Involved

    The first time you got married, you may have just gotten out of college—or even high school— and had very few relationships. There were no kids involved and no emotional drama to deal with.

    Things change when you get married. Kids come along. You may be dealing with your spouse’s infidelity. Perhaps there is addiction or abuse involved. Now that you are divorced, you are likely dealing with loneliness.

    By the time you are ready for marriage #2, there is much more at stake. You and your partner both have emotional issues, kids, drama from the first spouse, the whole nine yards. You may think you can deal with all this, but it is very stressful.

    There are Stepchildren Involved

    This goes along with the concept of baggage, but it deserves its own category because while children can keep first marriages together, they often break up second marriages. Children react to divorce in different ways. Rarely do they like the fact that their parents are getting married again. They often resent the new spouse and will do what they can to break up the marriage. They have dreams of their parents getting back together and will try to get rid of the obstacle—the stepparent. Stepparents have no authority over stepchildren, so it will take a lot of work and patience to deal with this situation.

    People Marry for the Wrong Reasons

    When people get divorced, they feel lonely and scared. They rush into relationships and marry the first person who makes them feel secure. They like the attention they get from their new spouse. But relationships run their course. The infatuation goes away and real life takes over. The person realizes they made a hasty decision and decides this is not the person they want to be with. Another divorce ensues.

    Money Issues

    Money matters are more pronounced in second marriages, as one spouse is usually paying child support or alimony to an ex-spouse. The other spouse may feel resentment as he or she is paying for most of the household expenses. Money may be spent on stepchildren who are unappreciative. Even if there is sufficient money, there will always be disagreement about how it is spent.

    Family Complications

    Things are complicated enough when you consider your own extended family, such as aunts, uncles and cousins. Holidays and celebrations get even more complex when you consider in-laws and the family of the ex-wife or ex-husband. Then you and your spouse are bringing children into the mix. This can bring about resentment and family strife when you cannot please everyone. It is best to plan for this ahead of time and try to come to an agreement with your spouse.

    Seek Legal Help

    A successful marriage takes a lot of work. That is why second and subsequent marriages fail at higher rates. When people are older, there is more baggage involved and it is harder to overcome certain issues.

    Whether this is your first or third divorce, Broward County divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler can help you through the process and get you a favorable outcome. Schedule a consultation by filling out the online form or calling (954) 346-6464.