If you’re at the point where you need to tell your children about your divorce, keep these ideas in mind during your first few conversations with the kids:
- Have both parents tell the child(ren) about the divorce together
- All children need to be told about the divorce at the same time whenever possible
- It’s best to present divorce as a serious decision made after considerable thought, but with sadness, reluctance and sorrow for the pain it causes the child
- Offer clear, honest explanations about the divorce. Avoid elaborate details of your marital problems (ie. Affairs, sexual problems)
- Reassure your child that the divorce does not weaken the bond between the parent and the child
- Give your child clear sense of an established place in each parent’s home (ie. their own room, place for toys, toiletries)
- Know before you talk with the children what will happen next. Children need concrete details-where will I live, when will I see each parent, will I go to the same school. Predictability leads to stability in a child’s life
- Focus on what will happen to each child, describe basic changes (ie. living arrangements, time with the other parent)
- Extend an invitation to your child to make suggestions that will be considered
- Assure your child he/she will be told of all major developments and changes
- Stress that your child is not responsible for the divorce, but that this is an issue between the adults
- Give your child permission to love both parents
- Give your child a time frame of the divorce and expected changes.