Divorce Attorney Scott J. Stadler

    • 16 MAR 21
    Should You Remarry Your Ex?

    Should You Remarry Your Ex?

    Many people struggle with their marriages, but they refuse to get divorced because they think they may regret it. You may think they are crazy, but regret is real. Of those who divorce, as many as 15% end up remarrying each other.

    With all the fish in the sea, why remarry an ex? They clearly had major problems the first time around, so what has changed? Won’t those old problems still be there?

    For some couples, the second time’s the charm. Maybe the problems resolved themselves over time. Perhaps the couple discovered that the grass was not greener on the other side and they truly missed each other. In any case, if this is the route you choose, know that the odds are against you. Second marriages fail more than 60% of the time, so if you want to avoid getting divorced from the same person again, you will need to know how to make things work this time around.

    If you are thinking about remarrying your ex-spouse, take your time to think things through carefully. You will definitely need to address the issues that caused you to divorce the first time and make sure you are both truly committed to the marriage. Here are some things to consider before tying the knot with your first spouse for the second time.

    Why Should You Get Remarried?

    Many couples soon discover that they were too hasty in ending their marriages. Now that they have divorced, they realize that they should have tried harder to make things work. Being divorced and single is not what they thought it would be.

    In many cases, the spouses miss the familiarity they had with each other and are still in love with each other. Many are still close with their ex-spouse’s family, so getting remarried just makes sense. Time has allowed them to forgive their ex for the stupid things they did, and they are willing to forget and move on with the marriage after a divorce. They may have grown up and matured over time. In some cases, the couple realizes they had divorced over petty issues and want to try again.

    What to Consider

    If you do think about getting back together, there are several things to consider. First, the odds are against you. First marriages have a better chance of lasting longer than second marriages, no matter whom you marry.

    Take things slowly. There should be no rush to get married again. You should wait at least a year and make sure that you both are in a committed relationship before tying the knot again. You should also see a marriage counselor before deciding on getting married again.

    How to Make Things Work

    Just because you love and miss your ex-spouse does not mean remarrying them will be a piece of cake. You have to remember that there was a reason why you divorced. Was there a substance abuse problem or addiction? Was infidelity involved? Did you divorce over finances? Did the marriage end over your ex-spouse’s behavior?

    Whatever the reason was for your divorce, you need to keep in mind that you are marrying this person again. They are the same person, so what has changed? What makes you think the same problems will not resurface?

    Marriage counseling will help you understand the problems you had in your marriage and the things about your ex-spouse that still annoy you. You do not want to repeat the same mistakes in a subsequent marriage, so work on your marriage now, before you get married. Seek counselling, read a book together, or take a class or workshop. The more effort you put into your marriage now — before you actually get married — the stronger your marriage will be. Essentially, you will need to start from the beginning and build a new foundation, and this takes time and effort.

    Take a good look at yourself, as well. Your ex-spouse is not the only one to blame. It takes two to break up a marriage. What other issues were present in the marriage that you could have controlled? How can you change to make the marriage better the second time around? Admit what went wrong and work on those things. Be honest with yourself and each other.

    Be transparent with each other. Be willing to share your feelings, hopes and dreams. Do not play games with each other. You should not have to read each other’s minds. If you have certain expectations for what you want in a second marriage, make them known now so there are no surprises.

    If you have children, do not get back together solely for their sake. While they may be putting pressure on you to get back together with Mom or Dad, this is a bad idea. Shut down the idea right away and do not get their hopes up. You should remarry because you want to.

    If you do decide to remarry your ex-spouse, have reasonable expectations. You are marrying the same person, so the same quirks and behaviors will be there. He or she might have changed to some degree, but they will not be perfect. You need to accept that. If you do not feel comfortable getting married again, then do not do it. Getting married will not make things better.

    Seek Legal Help

    Remarrying your ex-spouse is a huge decision. Is it the right one? Will you have the same problems you did before?

    Whether you are dealing with divorce or remarriage, Broward County divorce attorney Scott J. Stadler can help you resolve any issues. Prenuptial agreements and other resources can help you in the event of a future divorce. To schedule a consultation, contact our office. Call (954) 346-6464 or fill out the online form.